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The Mini Carrot

This guy was gorgeous. I mean gorgeous. Like James Bond gorgeous but Australian. So when he asked me out I was elated and had to call my best GF ASAP practically skipping down Sixth Avenue.  I, naturally, acted cool as a cucumber when he said he was picking me up in a town car for a massage at the Mandarin Oriental and then a broadway show. WOW! What an incredible first date I thought!  This gent was pulling out all the stops.  The massage was magical and every time he gently brushed against me. My body would tingle all over and my cheeks would flush. Damn he was sexy.  The broadway show was amazing but I couldn’t wait to kiss him at the end of the night.  After the show he took me home and I casually invited him up for a night cap.  We sat on my sofa in my tiny studio and he aggressively pulled me into him.  We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.  In a moment’s notice we were both naked and ready to do some major foolin’ around.  As a eagerly reached for him,  I looked down and that’s when I saw it.  And by IT i mean it…the smallest little thing I had ever seen in my life.  Was this really happening?  After all that this was my prize?  A mini-carrot??? It suddenly came to me. That the reason he was wining and dining me so hard was that he was packing a damn mini-carrot in those trousers of his.  I didn’t mean to be so obvious but it really surprised me and he saw the disappointment in my face.  He quickly dressed himself and practically sprinted down my hallway as I yelled, “Call me ok?”  Who was I kidding, this poor sap was never calling me nor did I want him to.  But don’t feel sorry for him ladies, this man is now married with a baby.  I am still single.  Maybe the mini carrot wouldn’t have been so bad? Did I have to settle? I am waiting for my eggplant, LOL 

——-Janice, Upper East Side, NYC

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