Another week and another study (this one about sliders Vs deciders) about how likely we are NOT to survive the distance with our current partners.
Which is utterly depressing in a glass-half-empty way.
Look at it with glass-half-full eyes, however, and it also means you get the chance to go through that delicious falling in love stage again…and have first time sex.
What’s changed from the last time you were single?
For those who are embarking on a sexy, new relationship and eager to make a good first impression, here’s what men tell me your new lover’s hoping for.
He wants you to…
• Give great oral sex: it’s not only one of his favourite things, it shows you’re as interested in giving as you are receiving pleasure.
• Be active: I’m not suggesting you bounce around the bed like a four-year-old who’s just consumed their body weight in sweets, but please don’t leave it up to him to make all the moves.
• Not stress about your body: Hiding under the covers, insisting the lights are turned out – you know the drill. Even if your thighs do look like orange peel (and do they really?) you’re having sex with the man! Unless it’s a one-night-stand, at some point he’s going to have to see you naked. Get it over and done with: let him see everything first time around and you’ll both feel better.
• Not stress about his performance: First time sex can be intense and erotic but it’s also highly charged with expectations. Both of you are nervous and eager for it to go well but a female’s nerves are more easily hidden. (Seriously, who’d want a penis when it’s such an obvious barometer of anxiety?)
Two things are on the cards if he’s nervous of performing: a lack of erection or premature ejaculation. How you react to either predicts how good sex will be for the two of you in the future.
Treat it light-heartedly, don’t make a big deal and let him know it’s normal and you understand, and you’re set for open, honest, communicative sex. Over-react, take it personally or make him feel bad about it and he’ll be even more apprehensive next time around with disastrous results.
• Let him know you’re enjoying it: Listen, he’s watched the odd episode of SATC and (if you’re really lucky) Girls and maybe even picked up the odd sex book or two. He knows women fake it and it’s not that easy to get everything right.
Don’t patronise him by pretending you like everything he does (unless of course you do!) but do let him know when he’s doing something particularly well. A moan or ‘ummmm’ will do.
• Save the post-sex emotional fallout for your friends: If he really doesn’t want to know you now he’s had his wicked way, you trying to find out if you’re an item will be even more humiliating. If he really likes you, he (or you) will be in contact within a day or so to organise your next date.
The more relaxed you are about the whole thing, the more smitten he’ll be. Be affectionate and shoot a few meaningful looks so he knows it meant something (if indeed it did), but resist hanging onto his legs as he makes for the front door.
Want more tips on how to make it better in the bedroom great? Check out any of Tracey’s books and her product range on www.traceycox.com