Bad Dating Habits It’s Time to Give Up
It’s National Singles Week, so why not take this time to refresh your dating life? After all, the changing of the seasons is always a great time to reassess your well-being. Here are some bad dating and relationship habits to swear off. And if you’re taken, we’ve got some tips for you, too.
- Tipsy texting. Give up those drunk dials that only make a hangover worse.
- Waiting for guys to make the first move. If you want to meet guys, you have to put yourself out there. Something as simple as a smile or flirty eye contact will do.
- Living in the past. Let yourself forget your failed relationships, disappointments, or mistakes. Releasing that baggage will make you more open to new experiences and people.
- Wasting time on a guy you’re not into. He may be good on paper, but if you don’t have the spark or see a long-term future, don’t date him.
- Wasting time on a guy who’s not into you. Ditch the guy who’s sending you mixed messages. Next!
- Hiding your true self. You want to be that “cool girl” who doesn’t care if he hangs out with the boys every weekend. But if it bothers you when he doesn’t give you enough time and affection, tell him. It’s the only way you’ll find a truly happy, sustainable relationship.
- Focusing on his flaws. Is his hairline receding? Did he talk about his job a little too much when you first met him? Did he make an awkward joke in front of your friends? If you focus on these minor flaws instead of your overall connection, you’re never going to get past the first date. Don’t settle, but also give a guy a chance to impress you.
- Focusing on your flaws. Whether you get down about the fact that it’s been ages since your last relationship or that you’re more shy than your other friends, don’t let that dictate your dating life. Instead, think about what makes you and your personality attractive and promise that you’ll accentuate those qualities.
- Worrying constantly about what your friends think. Don’t let your friends’ opinion of your man’s job, personality, looks, or background influence you too much or turn you off from a guy. Listen to their earnest advice, while trusting your own feelings for him.
- Limiting yourself to a type. Don’t let the words “he’s not my type,” leave your mouth, whether you’re online dating or getting set up on a date.
- Waiting for his text or call. Stop letting his text or lack thereof make or break your day.
- Always going back to an ex. It didn’t work out for a reason. Instead of wasting emotional resources on an ex, resist the temptation to text, Facebook stalk, or meet up for a hookup when you’re feeling lonely.
Get more ideas, including those for people in long-term relationships, below!
- Second-guessing yourself. Did it bother you when the guy you’re dating bailed on a plan or said something rude to a friend? Don’t worry about whether you have a right to be upset. Trust your gut and act accordingly.
- Taking your relationship for granted. Give up taking love, be it romantic or for a friend or family member, for granted. Tell the important people in your life why you love them in person, with a postcard, or when they do something that makes you happy.
- Picking fights. If you’re feeling grumpy after a hard day at work, vent to your partner, rather than getting mad at him about something unrelated like his dirty laundry. And if you’re actually mad about the clothes pile, tell him straight up in a constructive way.
- Comparing your relationship to others. Did your friend just get engaged? Are you wondering why your boyfriend isn’t buying you lavish birthday presents? Just worry about your own expectations and needs and communicate them to your partner, instead of measuring yourself against the relationships of others.
- Making your partner guess what’s bothering you. Just be honest with your man if it bothers you that he didn’t invite you to hang out on Friday night with his friends, or if you’re bummed he didn’t do something special on your anniversary. If you shut down communication, give him the cold shoulder, and expect him to figure out what’s wrong, he won’t be able to address the problem and your resentment will grow.
- Putting off intimacy. I know you’re exhausted and just want to roll over, but reconnecting with your significant other before bedtime will probably help you relax and bring you closer. Give up making excuses.
How to Entertain Low Lifes, Celebrities, Friends and Enemies Paperback – August 12, 2013
My husband had a one-night stand. Should I leave him?
QUESTION: On the eve of my 21st wedding anniversary I started a teasing conversation over dinner about whether my husband and I had ever thought of sleeping with anyone else.
I admitted to stupid crushes, but was astonished when my ‘Captain Sensible’ husband confessed to a one-night stand 15 years ago. He started crying and said he regretted it instantly.
However, my world is shattered. Now I feel like leaving him or getting even with my own affair. How can I cope with this?
ANSWER: You are experiencing a storm of emotions. The key is to hold fast and not do anything rash while the tempest rages.
What has really shocked you — almost more than the act of infidelity — is that your husband once acted in a way that was so out of character you feel you barely know him.
You call him Captain Sensible. Is it fair to say you view your spouse as your rock, allowing you to be the flighty and capricious person in the relationship?
If so, it’s more than a wedding vow that’s been shattered, it’s your whole notion of security.
However, the one thing we all have to learn in a long relationship is that you can never fully know another human being.
People are contrary and surprising, so should it really surprise you — as a woman who has crushes on other men — that your husband is capable of weakness, too?
I know you never acted on your restlessness, but you thought about it. Infidelity is a great test of empathy, it is a quality the wounded must bring to the table.
If they don’t understand how their partner could be unfaithful, they can never move beyond it.
But he made one mistake and regretted it immediately. It’s clear he’s long wanted to restore trust and honesty and leapt at confessing his error the first time you gave him an opportunity.
I’m not saying ‘Give him a medal’, but there’s a case for giving him the chance to make it up to you.
Why not invest in a course of counselling from an accredited relationship adviser?
This means you can vent your emotions in a contained space and understand the reasons. This will help you draw a line under the incident.
Your discovery is life-shattering at the moment, but I wonder if, in time, you can begin to wrestle something positive from the chaos. It seems your marriage will succeed or fail depending on the attitude you adopt.
I understand your initial urge is to punish him. But such a course of action — particularly if you embark on an affair — would only hasten the end of your marriage.
You have loved one another for 21 years: do you really want to throw that away because your husband was an idiot 15 years ago?
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